Opening the door and walking through it are two different challenges…
The initial step of my journey has begun, opening the door has been exciting, yet scary. A new world has presented itself and there are small islands, strewn across a vast sea, as I step outside. On the horizon is a mountain, one I will have to conquer if I am to find my true self.
This blog was started to document the many challenges that will be put in front of me over the next years and as with all journeys it is one small step at a time. The first challenge of accepting myself is over, I came to terms with the two voices inside me, knowing one had to win out over the other at some point.
The road continues and the next challenge is how to explain my new found self to others in my life. This will be a continuous challenge as it does not feel comfortable to over expose and add unwanted pressure or attention to an already difficult situation. Initially I will be talking with my friends on the fetish scene. Those who know me through fetish clubs and events will be the most accepting for sure, it is what makes this unique group of people so special. I know I will not face any negative attitudes and this is where my ‘coming out’ has already started. Not many will be surprised by the news either, as I have cross-dressed on the scene for many years and this is a natural step for many in my position.
Moving on from this initial stage of explaining will be more difficult, as I know my childhood friends will be confused and maybe even scared when they discover a leader among them likes to wear lingerie and dresses. This will, however, be sometime in the future as I have not even spoken to a doctor as of yet, and there is no reason to throw the cats among the pigeons until there are some pigeons to hunt.
I have been looking into how others have overcome this hurdle and it is fair to say there will be mixed results. I read about a young lady who came out recently and the article was sad at times. She has gone through so much in her short life, but now feels empowered from the experiences. It is stories like this one that give the realities against the fantasies that are in my head.
I am nowhere near this stage yet but it I am working hard on how to explain all this to the people in my life. Family and work will be the hardest for sure, but I do not want to even contemplate this bridge until the path is a little wider and I am clearer in my goals and objectives. I think it only fair to be very clear in my intentions before explaining this to anyone other than close friends.