Invisible barriers that were not even there to begin with.

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.

Albert Schweitzer

This journey will always have a new challenge or obstacle to overcome or break and one that had not been given much thought by myself was going out in public as a female. Recently, I have been going out dressed in female attire to clubs and places that actively encourage you to express yourself. This, in theory, has meant that I would have no issues presenting myself in my desired fashions or come against any prejudices concerning it. However a barrier that I broke, inadvertently, was being in a public bar that was for ‘normal’ people as opposed to the fetish crowd.

Something as simple as going for a drink can be a huge undertaking for a transperson.
Something as simple as going for a drink can be a huge undertaking for a transperson.

It was inadvertently achieved because I was at a fetish fair and having a wonderful time. When the evening drew to a close I had made a new friend who suggested we continue the evening by going for more drinks somewhere in the local area. At first my initial thought was to accept, until I realised I was dressed as a girl and that this would be the first time entering the real world as one. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the fair and along the street. I was amazed at how confident I was, strutting and laughing away with my new companion as we headed into a local pub that was mostly empty. I had not mentioned to this new friend that this was the first time I had done this as I wanted the experience to be fluid and as natural as it could be. We approached the bar and what happened next made my heart melt and gave me the realisation that this ‘new me’ was a real person and not a character on the fetish scene. The barman greeted us with a simple phrase that to many would not even register but for me was a huge milestone…

“What can I get you ladies?”

Sometimes people do not even realise how effective their words choices can be.
Sometimes people do not even realise how effective their words choices can be.

Just hearing an everyday person refer to me in as a female was amazing, I could have leant over the bar and kissed him. My head was running around itself in circles and leaping for joy, but on the outside, I kept calm and treated it as though it was how it should be. This small, tiny, insignificant moment has given me so much confidence and going forward I know this is happening and I can achieve my goals. During the drinks I had some funny looks but nothing uncomfortable. A group of Japanese tourists kept looking over and smiling, I simply waved and smiled back but it was all friendly. I even went into the female toilets without even thinking, and luckily it was empty. I am sure at some point there will be some rejections to this but, without blowing my own trumpet, I pass fairly well and as long as I smile and act natural someone would have to actively study me to be sure (maybe getting a little too confident!). I am feeling confident enough to share myself with society and will be dressing as I want in public without fear and making any issues out of it. The one thing I have noticed since this all started is that self confidence is the most important thing. Unsure of yourself? How can you expect others to accept you for you if you are not sure who ‘you’ is?



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