‘I want to be on hormones within a year’
One year ago today I decided that documenting my transition from male to female would allow me to do something that I had never been able to do before. Share my mind and inner being with others.
I was a really awful man, a good person, but rubbish at being a man. A terrible leg break had stopped me playing football which was the only thing I succeeded at in manhood. It was at this time the seeds planted that things needed to change and ten months later my transition began. I would like to share the highlights of what has happened and some photos of myself and how I have changed over the last year since I took the plunge.
I had made the decision to transition a couple of days before my first post and had explained it all to a very trusted friend. I started to put my plans in motion and I was practising make-up ready for my first outing. This came at the end of October 2014 and it was quite an introduction to womanhood! From losing my handbag to make-up mishaps, it was a great memory as well as a learning exercise.
I continued to improve my look and build my wardrobe when the first doctors appointment was due and I had really started to mend a lot of the wrongs inside of me. The old problems that plagued me as a man were washing away and something beautiful was happening inside me.
I have really found the real me and discovered that image and exterior are just the tip of the iceberg when one decides to transition. Your soul and mind are turned outward, exposed to feelings and thoughts you had spent a lifetime burying to stop the depression. I saw it as blossoming like a flower and breaking free from my prison. The liberation and new found freedom I now have are the bases of my true happiness and success so far.
It was not long before my confidence grew and the real hard parts of transition started to come into play. Explaining all to my mother was one of the biggest moments of my life and it was a huge relief to gain her acceptance and then later my families. Without their support I wonder if I would have ever got as far as I have. I choose not to dwell on such thoughts and thank the world everyday for my blessings. It was around this time I found my name and Faith has been going from strength to strength ever since. One negative I have learned is the amount of transfolk that are not as lucky as me and have some very rough rides with family and friends. Maybe one day this will improve for everyone as attitudes and society as a whole evolve.
Following seeing a gender specialist and arranging a visit to the blood doctor I started making a plan with work to finally break away from the man for good. My employers have been wonderful and gone out of their way to make me feel comfortable and given me the time to work everything out. I genuinely could not ask for more and love how this very last of barriers has been smashed for good. There are exciting times ahead and I hope to bring my new found confidence into my working life.
I have really enjoyed learning make-up and fashion and feel that I am a successful woman for all intents and purposes. I have surprised myself and others how far I have come in just a year. From a confused bloke nearing a breakdown to confident, happy and loved woman. I look back a year ago and it seems like a different person. I was so close to throwing my life away and I shudder to think my life was in such a state.
There are so many that do not make it and we must pull together for all our sakes. I am fed up of reading news stories about suicides and transfolk being discriminated against. Things are happening in the media and although I am only a baby transperson I want to start turning my confidence and happiness outward to make a difference. I have joined a local trans awareness group in London and helped with some advocacy work by spreading the word about changes. Can every UK transperson please sign the petition so we can get trans issues discussed in parliament.
Making it to Sparkle was a huge highlight and I feel it was the tipping point to shedding the man skin once and for all. Being amongst so many other folk on the trans spectrum and hearing their stories was wonderful and brought me closer to the community. It also showed me that admirers of transwomen are not always so bad and do have their place in the culture of trans.
Since then its been lasers which the less said about the better. OUCH! Followed by a haircut that really made me shocked when I saw the results. And then the cherry on top – HRT! Being prescribed hormones has allowed me to succeed in my goal of getting socially transitioned and on the medication within the year.
It has been a whirlwind year and I could not be happier. I hope the next year brings more surprises and I can really kick on with the medical side of all this. My success in the social side has given me the confidence to throw myself in the deep end once again. I want to thank everyone who has read my blog and encouraged me to continue. I really enjoy being part of such a special community and want to give back as much as possible this year.